8 Things I Will Never do as a Parent (including buy her cake pops from Starbucks). 


….said the women without children.

Motherhood is awesome. Motherhood is messy.  Motherhood is saying “fuck it” to your morals, pride, and standards.  Motherhood is humbling.  Motherhood is awesome.

As a footloose and fancy free “unparent”, I had visions of what I would be like as a mother. Or should I say, what my kid would be like as a child.  Obviously I would have a well-behaved, fun-loving, smart, creative child that turned out that way just because she was my spawn.  She would be trilingual (English, Spanish, sign language), say “please” and “thank you” by 15 months and sleep whenever I willed her to.  She would calmly and quietly entertain herself while her father and I enjoyed dinner and a drink (and maybe even dessert) at the trendy cafe down the street and she would be immune to the drug that is the smartphone.

And then I had a baby.  And then I had a toddler.  And then I said “fuck it”.  Here are the top eight rules I broke in just 16 short months.

  1. I would sleep when my baby slept. Hahahahahahahaha. Hahahahahaha.  Shit’s gotta get done people! How about hire me a maid, a cook, and a chauffeur and I will get right on that!
  2. I  wouldn’t be a raging bitch to my husband.  Sorry honey but I know you’r not sleeping and I know you can hear her crying too you a-hole. You ask why I’m so irritable all the time?  Well, first of all, I’M STARVING! I’m sweating over this stove in our non air conditioned house, I have a screaming smurf tugging at my legs yelling “Mama” and you want to know what we should bring for food on our camping trip in two weeks? I guarantee I have not thought about what I will be doing in 20 minutes (besides perhaps cleaning up a murder scene) let alone eating at a campsite in 15 days.  I suggest you just turn around and walk away before someone gets hurt.
  3. I would nurse for at least one full year.  Actually, my original goal was 6 months.  Turns our it wasn’t as hard as I thought and I decided early on I would go for a year.  Then shit got real and I went back to work which meant sitting in a room three  times a  day with  no windows, hooking up my lady parts to an angry machine and just sitting.  Just sitting, and sucking, and sitting, and sucking.  I think I lasted 5 weeks with regular pumping before I said “fuck it”.  We nursed when together until about 8 months when I took a long work trip and decided I was done.  I missed my freedom and discovered the gift that was the bottle (no not vodka although that is a gift too).  Power to the mamas that do it longer (or who attempt it at all)…it is quite an experience!
  4. My child would eat what we ate and I would never make her separate meals (or feed her sugar).  That lasted about one month when she was willing to chomp her toothless gums on anything that wasn’t liquid.  Then, slowly but surely, she sucked the culinary life out of me by refusing the meals I slaved over and insisted on only PB&Js (or almond butter and jelly because, well, just because someone said so once).  Then, instead of eating the perfect sandwich with the perfect ratio of butter to jelly and cut in to two perfect sailboats, she just pokes her finger in it over and over and over again.  And with every poke, you feel a little twitch in your eye and think to yourself “am I really about to cry over a sandwich? What has my  life come to?  Why is she doing this to me?  Why won’t she just eat the fuuuccckkking sandwich!?”.  Fine, just eat this bowl of goldfish.  Can mommy have some?
  5. I wouldn’t use the TV as a babysitter.  Ok, so we are pretty good about this one.  But, a woman’s gotta attempt some level of visual normalcy at work (or at least not look like the nightmare she sees in the mirror first thing in the morning).  And if the alternative is saying “no” to her eight thousand times and chasing her around the house after every little thing she decides to grab or pull out or touch, Dora is just gonna have take one for the team on this one.
  6. I  would never be on my phone in front of my child.  But that stupid little devil device is DJ Tanner and I am Kimmy Gibbler and I just can’t keep my nose out of her business! Or is the phone Uncle Jesse? Anyway. I don’t know.  Hang on. I just have to like this post real quick.
  7. I would NEVER let her touch my I-phone.  And then I experienced my first tantrum and I caved like Tom Cruise yelling “show me the money” in Jerry Maguire.  Like a little bitch!  Why, Apple!?!?!?! Why did you have to invent these tiny little devil treasures??
  8. And finally, I would never be one of those moms that slaps up annoying pictures of her child with annoying quotes and annoying hashtags all over social media and the internet.   And then I said “fuck it”, this kid is too cute!

But we do our best and keep telling ourselves if they’re breathing and smiling then we must be doing something right.  And at the end of the day, that is kind of true.  Whatever you do to make it through the day, do you!  Know that you are their only mommy (or daddy) and just for that, you are perfect!


These. Fingers. Are. Rusty.

Oh Boy! It’s been a forever and a day since I’ve dusted off the ole keyboard. Just under two years in fact.  As you can  imagine, a lot has happened.  If you’re friends with me on social media then be warned- this post may bore you!  To get everyone up to speed, here are the top 18 things we’ve done in the past two years (cause 20 would just be bragging) .

  1. I traveled to San Diego for my bachelorette party with all my favorite ladies.
  2. We Got Married!
  3. We Got Pregnant! (woops)IMG_6498
  4. Flew home to San Diego to attend the Chargers/Patriots game.  Chargers got their bolts handed to them.
  5. We survived another winter in Boston. It literally snowed all of February and the last snow didn’t melt until July!
  6. I got more pregnant.
  7. We bought a house!IMG_7335
  8. We renovated our house. And by “we” I mean Jason and his amazingly handy friends.
  9. We had a baby!
  10. Kennedy’s first flight and trip to Park City!
  11. We survived, er, celebrated our first year of marital bliss.IMG_8510
  12. Took our first camping trip and Kennedy’s first concert!
  13. Nana and cousin Emma came to see us in August followed by Papa in the fall to see the new house and visit Kennedy.
  14. I got to spend 36 hours with my best friend, LeeAnn, in her lovely city of Seattle.IMG_9699
  15. Kennedy enjoyed her first Christmas(es) in Boston and Park City
  16. We survived another winter. That makes three for me now!IMG_0523
  17. Made a trip to San Fran for my friend Kristin’s wedding. Quite possibly one of my favorite cities!IMG_0782
  18. We made it through our first year with a baby!

358 Days Later…

So, it turns out blogging and working full-time isn’t easy to do.  Throw in planning a wedding and a few more major life events, and you get no blogging.  Which is what I’ve done for nearly the last year.  My last post was November 7, 2013 so I’m one week from going an entire year.  I thought I’d break myself in by doing a year-in-review by season.  We’ll pick up with the rest of fall and winter 2013.

To end October, we watched the Red Sox win the World Series and I enjoyed my first championship parade.  As you can imagine, thousands of people showed up to celebrate.

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The Holidays were quiet around Wakefield.  We spent our first Thanksgiving in Massachusetts and kept it mellow with just Jason’s family.  We flew to Utah to spend Christmas with my family in Park CIty.



As you recall from my Just my Luck post, a harsh winter was predicted.  And this is what we got.  I enjoyed the first few months of winter, but as March rolled around, I was reaching my cabin fever threshold.

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In February, my dear grandmother, Abbie Whitney, passed unexpectedly.  Fortunately I was able to fly out and attend the funeral.  It turned out a celebratory event with close family and friends.  I even got a round of golf in with my dad in Salt Lake.

We laid Nanny next to her husband, Dick.
We laid Nanny next to her husband, Dick.

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As I have mentioned, my mom and her boyfriend, Bill had embarked on a winter sailing adventure in Baja, Mexico.  It just so happened they were in an area we could not reach them when we heard the news from my mother.  I was able to get the US Coast Guard involved who worked with the Mexican Navy.  My mom and Bill came in to port a bit earlier than planned greeted by the Mexican Navy who informed them we had been looking for them.  They came in just in time for my mom to catch the last flight out of the port and get to Utah in time for her mother’s funeral.


We’ve started a tradition of renting a home in the winter…generally for Jason’s birthday in January.  This year, we stayed in North Conway, NH and celebrated a few February birthdays and enjoyed some skiing…my first time on the east coast slopes.  I also chose to ski instead of snowboard for the first time in almost 20 years…needless to say, it kicked my ass.

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In March, we celebrated Josie’s 89th birthday.  She immediately began stating she was “almost 90” front that day forward.


Back to work.

After just over five months of freedom and unemployment, I am officially OFF the job market.  And surprisingly excited about it…to have a schedule again, somewhere to be, to EARN MONEY, and to (hopefully) be acknowledged for a job well done…”good job on dinner” loses its luster after a while.  On the other hand, I am now remembering a million things I meant to do while I was “free” and have just a few days to do them.  This excitement will surely dissipate by the end of my first month and here are the things I will miss the most about being unemployed:

– Waking up at 10am (I debated about including this because, frankly, it’s embarrassing that I sleep until 10am most days at the age of 32 but, who cares)

– My morning routine: again, wake up at 10am, make coffee (obviously not necessary with a 10am wake up but still doin it), eat breakfast (cause I have time), peruse the internet for minimum of 1.5 hours.


– changing out of my pajamas only to change in to workout gear and then back in to my pajamas

– time to bake even though I don’t like baking


– walking/running everyday

– doing laundry whenever you want to do it

– making dinner (almost) every night


– doing WHATEVER I want WHENEVER I want

– watching 6 episodes of Family Feud every night with Josie

– Sunday fundays with NO worries!


– watching 5 episodes in a row of a series on Netflix

– spending my afternoons with Josie


– being able to stay up for my Chargers games until 3am (or any sports game on the east coast for that matter) because I don’t have to get up early the next day

– time to plan my wedding

– taking the T in to the city just for the hell of it (and seeing people like this)


best dressed award

– actually having time to do stuff on my to-do list

– listening to Josie complain about Steve Harvey on Family Feud

– having time to do girly things like blow drying, straightening, and/or curling my hair and painting my nails


– not constantly feeling like there’s someone I need to call back or an email I need to reply to

– never being rushed in the shower

– not having to ask for time off when family comes to visit


– just the feeling of getting up in the morning and not having to EVER worry about what time it is or where I have to be

– having time to read my Rolling Stone magazines cover-to-cover


– time to read, and not just before bed

– walking everywhere I go because I have the time (ok, so I also don’t have a car but still)




Weekend Words with Nana Josie.

Thursday, morning after the Red Sox won the World Series:

Me:  Jo- did you hear who won the World Series MVP?

Josie mockingly with a scowl and a look that says “you just ruined my day by bringing that up”: Ohr-teez [long pause] I don’t know why!? All he does is walk!

Ok, so maybe I’m an instigator but it’s just so amazing…